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Monday, September 29, 2003


I spent part of a mindless Sunday afternoon re-editing magazine articles. Infusing them with new significance- tilting and recompositing their content- and challenging the conformity of the editorial formats that I used as base collateral. As an artist/designer I have done a lot of photocollage- both in analog and digital formats. Using the same approach for editorial and advertising copy generates a similarly gratifying experience (-)


It’s your funeral – Bubba Sparxx - Arena October 2003

If you died tomorrow what would you regret not having done?

“God’s going to take care of regular customers first. Know what I’m saying? First: that everyone should leave my body for between 48 and 72 hours in case I came back. It’s been said that after 48 hours there’s this window where you can come back, but that most people wake up while they’re in the coffin.
So just leave me alone for 72 hours, and then ask why the favorite music at my funeral would be: “A Country Boy Can Survive” by Hank Williams Jr.” Second: the choice of the outfit I would be buried in. You should be buried in whatever you wear the most, so probably plain khaki farm clothes. I used to work in factories- I’ve done everything, from cutting grass to selling people grass to working in a car-parts factory, all I can say- don’t have the nerve to bury me in a Polo shirt- or you’ll have to face me in the 73rd hour.”

Shattered Dynasty- The Pritzker family – Vanity Fair May 2003

At the front of the Synagogue, taking up several rows of seats, were almost all of the 52 living members of the Pritzker family. As Liesel’s case was brought forward, a stir passed through the congregation. “It’s sad and a little bit disgusting,” said one of the family members. “As far as I am concerned, the kid is an asshole,” said another. It appeared that in a confidential agreement made in 2001, Jay Pritzker’s children, his nieces and nephews, and his cousin Nicholas had decided to dismantle a business empire that had taken four generations 100 years to build. In the agreement they agreed to split the assets among themselves. Unlike her uncle Jay though; Liesel was not color-blind. Talking sweetly in her very gentle, very quiet voice –The Pritzker Whisper- the “Little Princess” mesmerised the audience standing transfixed in front of her. “I can smell a rat when I see one,” she said calmly, and continued; “My uncle believed a man’s only immortality comes from the values he instilled in his children. This country has lost a great man. I have lost a great uncle. And therefore -in his spirit- I shall reclaim my valid share of the family fortune.”

The next Big things – Elle UK November 1999


”We’ve already seen a feminisation of emotional relationships- soon we’ll see a feminisation of our sexual relationships too. Orgasm is great, but the whole-body sensation and intimacy will become the Holy Grail of sex. We may expect an enriched mind experience, as we have become more accepting of the curious, more shocking side of sex. Future generations will increasingly regard diverse sexuality as a normal part of our society. In the near future couples will become extinct, and 21st century mates will recreate the social order.
Finally, friends as family will become the norm. Women will become mentors, offering advice, support and a mature emotional shoulder to lean on in work-related relationships. Increasing job flexibility will initiate serial cohabitation- as single parenthood will become the new chic.”

Hell’s Bells – Nylon November 2000

As the photographer clicks frames of AC/DC guitarist Angus Young and vocalist Brian Johnson joking with each other, Young looks around the Minneapolis hotel suite for a place to ash his cigarette. He used to do so on lead singer Bon Scott’s bellybutton, but has been deprived of that amenity since Scott choked on his vomit after a drinking binge and died. “Oh I’ll put it out on Jesse Ventura’s head,” Young says with a roguish twinkle.
Young and Minnesota’s governor have a lot in common. Both have been charged with sexist statements.
Young however has an explanation. “My education stopped at 14,’ he admits, and adds “Did you know that they named a street in Madrid after us?- Boy are we sitting on the throne.” Young and Johnson shake their heads in unison- “Wearing knickers started as a sort of gimmick- I could play guitar and give them something to look at. In fact, we’re hooked to boozing, fast women, sex, feeling bad- and liking it.” grins Johnson- “It’s the magic of the power-chord mistique.”

Beauty Queen – Counter Culture – Nylon September 2003

Diehard Anna Sui has created an amazing new signature: DOG DAYS -an eyeshadow that is endorsed by the American Foundation For The Blind. To create this limited edition gem- fans will be thrilled to know that it is available in the coolest box you’ve ever seen- creme carmel, scented candle, Braille labeling, matte finish, and a touch of Fuchsia. Lower your eye lids, flash your pearly whites! This little marvel will keep your palms moisterized all day, and add a light, sexy musk on the collar of your trench coat all season long. It may be Gothic, but eyeshadow doesn’t get any girlier than this!

La Vita Agnelli – Vanity Fair May 2003

He was a man of unparalelled style, an enigma. A legend- and a triumph of tragedy. “I want to die like an old soldier, on his horse,” said the great Italian automobile tycoon Gianni Agnelli once to his niece Marella Garacciolo. Agnelli, nicknamed “L’Avvocato,” was a slave to perfection. Says Garacciolo. “The whole cult of aesthetics, of having the best life. And the best food. And the best art. And the best wine. Everything had to be the best in the whole world.” Agnelli’s claim to fame was epitomized by the production of the Fiat Cinquecento, his gift to the Italian people and the nation’s equivalent to Hitler’s famed Volkswagen. Apart from mass availability the car had fine qualities as well: during years of housing shortages “Many of us first kissed a girl in a Fiat Cinquecento” fellow tycoon Silvio Berlusconi once remarked. Gianni Agnelli was the flying carpet- “Tappetto Volante” -of human affairs. He could never stay in one place, never could bother seeing a movie in its entirety, never finish a book, or most of all- confine himself to one woman. His amorous excursions were considered excessive even by Latin standards. Many friends and confidants attest to Agnelli’s hallmark largesse. Henry Kissinger- “When I was in Europe, he’d send a plane for me- that was standard, and he’d say, “Let’s go somewhere.” That could mean anywhere at all: a trip to the Piedmontese Parliament so Kissinger might view the place where count Cavour used to sit, or to a local castle that was holding an exhibition on the Piedmontese role during the Crimean War, or to a gallery full of Canalettos. Dr. Isadore Rosenfeld, who had flown to Italy to care for Agnelli, said to him after a phone call by the eager host- “Look Gianni, I just arrived. I’m kind of tired-I’ll just rest up here, go to bed.” An hour later a helicopter landed in the Turin garden, and the next thing the doctor knew they were on the deck of Agnelli’s yacht, near Monte Carlo. The two sailed down to La Reserve at Beaulieu, where they dined. Then they returned to the yacht. “Get a good night’s sleep” Agnelli said. “And I woke up and we were in Corsica!

GQ Lounge - a special advertising section – GQ September 2003

What if you took the hottest DJs- Tea Tree Oil- Alloy and Chrome- Mint and Mandarin- Cold-filtering- and superb Mellowness? Check the dial of your timepiece -David Yurman’s Titanium collection- the un-heavy metal. It’s extremely cool, and the lightest metal known to man. Mix with the finest people- matured on Bourbon and great vibes. Indulge. Seize the night. Order a Smoky Appletini, and relish in the masculine incense of BLACK- the ultimate banner of the modern and timeless. Dwell in its amber richness- and embrace your perfect companion.

Hot Hot Heat – Bikram Yoga – GQ September 2003

“I have balls like atom bombs, two of them, one hundred megatons each” says Bikram Choudury, founder of Bikram Yoga. Choudury’s reflective method does not require the lotus headstand- or pretzel contortionism. It’s the pace-and the heat- that hurt. Choudhury is a three time winner of the All-India Yoga Competition, and the architect of a twenty-six pose sequence, now established in 750 certified Bikram yoga centers across the world.
The yoga classes are conducted in a 105 degrees/60 percent humidity biosphere. The saunalike conditions can make a person black out- a perfect premise for the prime of sensation-starved gym veterans. Choudury meanwhile is a hard hitter when dealing with other hot-yoga studios emerging across the country, threatening lawsuits unless they pay franchise- and royalty fees, change their name to Bikram’s Yoga College of India and adhere to his script. “Nobody fucks with me.” Threatens Choudury- in an unusual posture-

Even for a yogi.


posted by Walter at 9/29/2003